How can someone feel when everything for what has been fighting for years became pointless, just because the way the world is built? I've always said that I would love to live far from society, in a small wooden house, not caring about anything. At the beginning I thought that it would be cool to be remembered. A musician I admire a lot is Ludwig Van Beethoven, and I love the way he is remembered. But at the end... all is pointless. Humanity won't live too much anyway. And even so, who consider what is worth to be remembered? Certainly not the people I consider great. The desire of leaving society and have a self-sustained life is great, although I think it is impossible in current world, or near impossible.
The Death of Illusion... yes, it's fine, too much shit. Everything I've fought over many years is pointless to be able to even survive. People think there is no much differences between social classes as there was in middle ages... wrong. I would probably be famous by now if my family had a very good income, maybe not rich, but let's say a very good income. Yes, you can scalate in the social class, but it is as difficult as it was a century ago. If you are born in a rich family, you'll have success. If not, it doesn't matter how much you fight: or you have luck getting a rich friend, or you can just better abandon it.
I've not worked in just one thing over years. I've always thought that it is better to know about a lot but little, than about one thing too much. I wanna do a reflection of my skills and what is the obstacle or shit or whatever that makes pointless to continue. The next things have been happening for years.
I gave everything in university to be the best... I met horrible teachers who don't valuate your work
I put my art history content in internet because I want to spread knowledge... I get stolen by my own university companions
I wanted to be a professional musical composer... I get ignored, and if not, bad comments about everything, even if the ones who do it don't listen to the content really, and I also can't afford to get original licenses of the libraries, if I get that shit without original licenses, it's stupid to even try to be professional
I propose a cool and unique idea to a music store hoping they could take me to do it... they steal my idea and then try to sell me the products
If I answer a bad comment/talking with a defensive tone... I am the evil guy, even if I'm who has the reason or the one who was damaged
I try to contact magazines, youtubers, publishing houses... at the beginning it may be good, but soon I simply get ignored, by the face
I try to support scientific art, more specifically astronomical art, by writting about it and sharing... I get warned to be sued for even write about it, without even earning a single euro for my time
I spend tons of hours creating content, like music, writting my book, anything... I just need to enter facebook to see the next shit that has become viral
I've created a legendarium, open world, many cultures, complex history... best-seller books are usually infinitely simpler than mine
What am I doing with my life?